Oct. 24, 2024

133. How To Stop Fighting and Create a Securely Attached Relationship Instead w/ Dr. Stan Tatkin

133. How To Stop Fighting and Create a Securely Attached Relationship Instead w/ Dr. Stan Tatkin
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133. How To Stop Fighting and Create a Securely Attached Relationship Instead w/ Dr. Stan Tatkin
133. How To Stop Fighting and Create a Securely Attached Relationship Instead w/ Dr. Stan Tatkin
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"They have to organize. if we're organized where the kids come first, well, the couple is dead, long live the kids, they go away and bye. Because we lost that loving feeling, we never nurtured it. We weren't important enough to maintain." - Dr. Stan Tatkin


Today on Men, This Way:

00:00 Introduction

01:48 PACT Method and Psychobiological Approach

02:22 Personal Reflections on Dr. Tatkin's Work

04:40 Setting Up the Discussion on Relationships

05:09 Defining Secure Functioning Relationships

05:44 Importance of Teamwork in Relationships

06:43 Challenges in Relationships and Power Dynamics

09:35 Explanation of Attachment Styles: Anchors, Waves, Islands

10:07 The Impact of Childhood on Relationship Dynamics

11:55 Clinging and Distancing in Relationships

13:16 Insights into Attachment from Studies

13:30 Personal Narratives and Their Impact on Perception

14:32 Neglect and Its Subtle Impact

15:32 Resentment from Childhood Expectations

16:04 The Metaphor of "The Bite that Fits the Wound"

17:04 The Role of Anger in Insecure Attachments

18:20 Strategies for Secure Functioning

19:20 Adapting to Partner's Needs and Insecurities

20:11 Understanding Attachment and Its Effects on Relationships

22:38 Responsibility in Relationship Dynamics

23:31 Importance of Understanding Danger and Care in Relationships

26:14 The Importance of Shared Vision in Maintaining Relationships

27:21 Designing Relationships Intentionally

28:21 Prioritizing Relationships Over Other Aspects of Life

31:04 Teamwork and Interdependency in Relationships

31:56 Role of Partners in Regulating Each Other's Nervous Systems

34:21 The Practical Application of Co-regulation Techniques

38:28 The Unreliability of Narratives in Understanding Relationships

40:05 The Flaws of Memory and Perception in Communication

41:03 The Challenge of Modeling Successful Relationships

43:02 Strategies for Better Relationship Dynamics

44:12 The Need for Intentionality in Relationships

46:05 The Impact of Stress on Relationship Dynamics

49:05 The Necessity of Protective Measures in Relationships

50:09 The Importance of Commitment and Intention in Relationships

52:22 The Timeframe for Developing Strong Relationship Skills

54:17 The Role of Purpose and Principle in Relationship Longevity

55:06 Establishing and Adhering to Relationship Principles

56:07 Vision and Future Planning in Relationships

57:19 Deciding When to Persist or Let Go in Relationships

59:21 The Social Contracts That Define Personal Relationships

61:02 The Mutual Benefits of a Committed Relationship

64:07 The Hopeful Aspect of Engaging in Relationship Work

66:30 Dr. Tatkin's New Publications and Future Projects

67:44 Closing Thoughts and Reflections on Relationship Dynamics


Takeaways from this episode:

  • The Importance of Secure Functioning in Relationships.
  • The Impact of Attachment Styles.
  • Role of Co-regulation
  • Communication Strategies Under Stress
  • The Necessity of Intentionality and Planning in Relationships
  • Navigating Relationship Challenges with Emotional Intelligence
  • The Psychological Impact of Neglect
  • The Influence of Past Trauma on Current Relationships
  • The Concept of Mutual Support and Teamwork
  • Shared Vision and Purpose


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This show is produced by Synchro Social